The Sobering Truth Series: Acceptance/Denial- Paradigms of the Mind

I'm going to take you to a strange place; I'd like to say that it won't be scary or frightening but that isn't quite true in fact it's the hardest fight I've ever undertaken in my life but I feel like my life is worth fighting for and so my journey to sobriety like every other alcoholics is filled with the chaos of unraveling a mind that has been ailing with dependency for far too long.

AA vs. Edgar Allan Poe's "Mesmeric Revelations"

from Edgar Allan Poe's Complete Works

"The beginning is God."(page 90)

In spiritual or religious debate it's long been a contiguous agreement that God came before the Universe. Let us then presuppose that God, as this symbolic representation of creation is as the text says "the alpha and the omega"- or more succinctly the beginning and the end.

However, we run into the constituent philosophical adage of the chicken or the egg. Which came first? Instead of attempting to decipher the semantics of creation let us first ascertain that the very act of creation itself is self-actualized- it fulfills itself by it's very existence. There's no need to explain it- it just is.

yup Morgan Freeman

Thus it proves its own existence by it's very nature. The immaterial material of substantial insubstantiality itself.

Creation is existence and existence by extension is creation. Destruction (i.e. addictive self-destruction) is the End- it is the UnGod - it is annihilation of creation and of the self.

The First step of AA is:

"Admitting we were powerless, unable to manage our lives."

This is the beginning; this is God. The Spirit of Recovery therefore exists even at this first awkward junction because to agknowledge self-destruction is to prevent it and thus breed creation in the wake of chaos. This is ACCEPTANCE. That which is powerless is not necessarily without form. Look at photons

no not that closely lol

they are particles/waves of light. They carry no electrical charge and yet it cannot be said without contradiction in some manner that they contain a type of mass. The photon is light- does this ring a bell in Biblical terms?

From the primordial darkness the light arose. It is only when we have expelled our Inner Chaos that we can shine light upon it and reveal our true nature. It is not pretty- in fact it's not at all uncommon for many partaking in this shadow work to become fearful at the abnormal, uncomfortable, and alien nature of their deep subconscious.

the shadow

The Photon is the first revelation of the existence of darkness- it is the beginning- it is God and creation simultaneously. When a person accepts the courage and wisdom of the Spirit of Recovery can they (although perhaps fearfully) hand over the keys of their ego to the superego. One must be cautious however, the ego still being frail could indeed break and so moderation of one's id is certainly in the highest order.

In the case of alcoholism one could inversely wee the uncontrolled ego as it's own form of God and yet it must be remembered that this Anti-God seeks nothing more than to gratify itself. Think: ID wants what ID gets because there's no regulation of impulse.

Wherein, the recovering alcoholic realizes the deception that has been carried out and chooses to embrace their Higher Power: The Spirit of Recovery; rather than abandon ourselves in the flames of lust and desire which leads to self-destruction.

The devil lives in all of us

I firmly believe the former to be the principle reason for using God as the ethical template. Envision if you will the colloquial Devil on the Left shoulder and the Angel on the right and you will understand the intended purpose of creating this intentional dichotomy. Essentially, we're all familiar with God (in some aspect) and therefore has a wide appeal for most- it's easier to understand because the idea is popular.

I've noticed that within my own mind was a strong (understatement of the century) urge to drink despite the psycho/physical pains and strains it was putting on my body, mind and at times affecting my outer world inasmuch as it was systematically disparaging my inner paradigm. I recall attempting to personally justify my drinking habits by saying: "as long as I only have a few drinks it won't be like the other times." Of course this is obvious denial to anyone BUT the alcoholic; excepting that on occasion I would be right. I'd have fun times and thus I'd convinced myself through positive reinforcement of this false-value that I had my drinking under control. Then, inevitably the "Bad Times" would re-emerge. The Beast Triumphant in it's victory would rear it's ugly head and leave ruin in it's wake. Pain to others and pain to myself.

There is a lot of "Bad Times" stories- every alcoholic has them and no experience can compare to the mortification and/or humiliation that accompanies these events.... nothing. To have felt the remorse and the lack of self worth is to know the most heinous parts of your soul. One particular trait I have identified regarding my condition when not intoxicated is an overabundance of agree-ability. Unfortunately, in the aspect of effectively looking after oneself one cannot forget that over extending yourself to help others may ultimately cause you to resent those of whom you devote your time and energy- this will manifest when you drink. Drinking distills the ability to control impulse until all that is left is intoxicated pure impulse which having no throttle can lead to very Dark Places nestled deep in the unexplored recesses of the Psyche. These experiences CAN and ultimately WILL cause you to resent yourself.

But why?

It comes down to hating yourself over a lack of control ironically over something for which you cannot hope to ever have control. The Devil has you in his grip and alcohol will control you unless you shine the light of sobriety and thus of creation upon the Dark world you've created and now must accept responsibility for having made. The Devil (in popular conception) is immortal and so we cannot say we may vanquish it forever we can however don "the armour of God" (Ephesians) and refuse to succumb and at first the battle rages on every single day: thus the recovering alcoholic lives one day at a time. By necessity, when you have admitted you have a problem you must be prepared to emerge from this madness at the beginning .. i.e. God: the Spirit of Recovery. Trust someone who has stared into the visage of the Fell Creature that is dependency on booze. When you're ready to start your life fresh, really mean it, plan it and don't deviate! Start over too many times and everything you have just fought so hard for will fail: your beginning can just as easily become your end.

From Edgar Allan Poe's "Mesmerism Revelations"

"Motion is the action of mind, not of thinking. The unparticled matter, or God, in quiescence, is (as nearly as we can conceive it) what men call mind."(91)

Step 2 of AA Reads:

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

Much is to be said for strength of mind: there is hope! I spoke with a retired nurse who informed me that she had witnessed the power of healing that the mind can project firsthand. Having worked with people with acquired brain injury. She was able to confirm for us that yes even patients with ABI's can regain functionality to a degree- MIND BLOWING STUFF- IT REALLY IS!

I would like to cite the case of young Jake Gladstone, a young man having been born with half a brain stunned the medical community by talking, walking and running! Truly a testament to the human mind and the human capacity of resilience even in the most dire of circumstances. If psychosomatic/placebo effect plays a role in maintaining a strong enough will to maintaining a strong enough will to create miracles than I believe yogis, transcendentalists have in this sense come to a clearer understanding then modern science.

The mystics and the spiritualists have long touted the ability of the "mind over matter" characteristic for as longas people have been able to believe. The mind is capable of many things besides compensating for missing neurons or synapses it can heal itself and the result can manifest in physical reality. Let's look deeper into this at a specific medical condition called DID or disassociative identity disorder; formerly called MPD or multiple personality disorder.

Patients on the extreme end of this illness' spectrum can exhibit seemingly miraculous physical/mental changes dependent upon the effects of the psychosis. As a direct example an individual with DID may have an alter that is allergic to grass. Hence, the alternative personality will present allergic reaction while when the primary personality re-emerges the symptoms will seem to miraculously disappear. That is to say that at a specific understanding of what we know and can convince ourselves to believe we can alter not only the outside world but also our own bodies.

Studies performed post mortem on patients with schizophrenia and DID show positive confirmation that not only does the mind change the body but conversely the mind changes it's own physical structure. You can change anything with your mind - you need only believe it.